#ConfidentChallenges – Is this really the will of God for my life??

I came in Saturday evening after a lovely overnight trip down to Skegness with my parents and my baby girls and as I was getting ready to settle down for bed, I began to glance around my bedroom and wonder, as I do every day, about our current living situation. You see, I want to move house. Like, NOW! I have just causes, not anything superficial like just wanting a big house for the sake of it, I mean I’m not one for big houses anyways.

But as I looked around, a thought came into my head (now you can decide for yourself if you think it was God talking to me).

“What if it’s not in the will of God for you to move house?”

“What if you are meant to STAY where you are?”

If I’m honest, I paused and then immediately started to laugh.

I didn’t laugh because I didn’t believe it for a second, but I did that uncomfortable nervous kind of laugh, because it could actually be a possibility.

First instinct is to start quoting God’s word back to Him in the hope that it will somehow jog His memory of the promises He made to me like, “But God you said You would give me the desires of my heart!” 

Second thing is to try and convince God that my circumstances are so immensely dreadful, that He will have no other choice but to look down from heaven and change His mind and move us out of here.“Lord You being our heavenly Father and all, surely You wouldn’t leave us here like this?”

And when all else fails crying, begging and pleading always worked as a child, so there’s obviously no better way to talk to your dad then hysterically bawling, because remember tears are a language that God understands.

But when the silence of a quiet house surrounds me and for some reason my thoughts are blasting on loud speaker, I had no other choice but to seriously consider if this was the will of God for my life?
Like, seriously how do I feel about that?

Living here for the best part of forever?

Is it possible?

Of course it is, but do I want it to be possible so would I then make it a possibility?

So then I start thinking about how I could make living here an actual option.
– I’m in council accommodation, Would I buy it?
– Redecorate?
– Declutter even further to make the living spaces more liveable?
– Finally get that fence?

As I thought about writing this, I began to get a bit emotional because somewhere along the road, I had forgotten everything I had been through just to get into this house.

Living in a hostel with my baby girl whilst pregnant with my other baby girl on the way. I forgot my testimony of how I found this house online in the middle of the night, viewed it after so many other had expressed their interest but they were looking for a mother with children, ME!

God had made a way for me to live right where I am, right now.

Sometimes it’s so easy to fall out with God or lose trust in Him because He doesn’t give us what we want, when we want it. We start to doubt Him because to us, that’s Him showing He isn’t as powerful or strong enough to do it, just because we asked.
When the truth is, God is saying something else to us, but we can’t hear Him over the sound of our own wants and desires. It’s not that He cant give them to us, Of course He can! But we can’t ask for His will to be done in our lives and then take it back when we want something else.

What if I’m not meant to be rich?
What if I’m not meant to have a big house and a brand new car?

Just because it is that way for others, doesn’t mean that it will be for me, and at what point will I just be OK with that?
When will I be able to still recognise God where I am or do I need something big for me to see Him at work in my life on a daily basis?

It’s going to be hard. I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy, my desires aren’t going to just evaporate. I’ve spent a lot of  time dreaming, wishing, hoping, planning even praying but this is the challenge.

What if?

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts and neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord” Isaiah 55:8 KJV

Kim xoxo